Key Takeaways Key Takeaways

  • The therapeutic relationship matters just as much as expertise – Unlike traditional medicine, therapy relies on trust, comfort, and alignment between you and your therapist for real progress.

  • Asking the right questions in the first session can help find the right fit – Taking the time to assess compatibility early on can prevent wasted time and money on a therapist who isn’t the best match for you.

  • Be honest if you don’t feel comfortable – When a therapist asks if you want to continue working together, don’t hold back. If something feels off, even if it’s just a gut feeling, it’s okay to move on and find a better fit.

Finding the Right Fit: The Questions Therapists Wish You’d Ask to Ensure a Great Match

One of the most important factors in the success of psychotherapy is the quality of the therapeutic relationship between the therapist and the client. Unlike other medical fields where expertise is the defining factor, in therapy, trust and connection are equally essential. Trust, empathy, and sincerity are the cornerstones of therapy.

While researching a prospective therapist’s qualifications and experience is important, the first meeting is where a client should try to determine if they truly connect with the therapist.

Since therapy is highly personal, ensuring a good match between client and therapist is vital. While researching a prospective therapist’s qualifications and experience is important, the first meeting is where a client should try to determine if they truly connect with the therapist. To facilitate this, therapists and patients alike should ask key questions to assess compatibility.

Essential Questions to Ask a Prospective Therapist

  1. Are there any differences between us that you think might affect how well we work together?
    This simple yet crucial question can help determine whether the therapist aligns with your needs and fully affirms any personal characteristics—such as ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, or faith—that might impact the therapy experience. You should not hesitate to state your needs regarding this “fit.”

    According to Karishma Snider, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Leesburg, Virginia, the therapeutic relationship sets the foundation for a patient to feel comfortable enough to do the rigorous work that therapy asks of them. The specifics depend entirely on the patient and what they need from their therapist. Some feel much more comfortable with someone of similar ethnicity or background because they may understand multicultural components crucial to understanding the individual more than someone else may. Patients also may prefer an individual who speaks the same native language as them, enabling clearer communication and offering comfort that our patients need.

  2. What therapeutic approaches do you use?
    Each therapist has their own style and preferred methods, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, Brainspotting, or other modalities. Ensuring alignment between the therapist’s approach and your needs is important.
  3. Do you provide counsel in crisis situations?
    Some therapists are more equipped to handle crises than others. If you require urgent support or have a history of mental health crises, this question can help clarify whether the therapist is prepared to provide the necessary care. In any emergency, you should call 911 or 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, even if your therapist may be available for crisis-related counseling.
  4. Do you offer online therapy?
    With virtual therapy becoming more common, many people prefer having the option to attend sessions remotely, for convenience. It’s important to confirm whether the therapist offers this option if needed.
  5. Do you have experience working with people who share my background or concerns?
    For many people, a therapist’s multicultural competence or experience with specific issues—such as trauma, LGBTQ+ identity, or religious considerations—can be crucial. This question can help determine whether the therapist has relevant experience and understanding.

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The One Question Your Therapist Wants You to Answer Honestly—No Sugarcoating Allowed

The first meeting is a pivotal moment in determining whether the therapist is the right match. You should feel empowered to ask questions and advocate for your needs. Likewise, a good therapist should actively check in with you about the therapeutic fit.

There is one crucial question a therapist may ask: Do you feel comfortable working with me?  You should answer this honestly and straightforwardly, without worrying about being polite or sparing the therapist’s feelings. Your therapist’s priority is your well-being, and an open, truthful response can help ensure that you receive the support that best meets your needs. Finding the right fit is essential for a successful and transformative therapy experience.

Karishma Snider underscores this point by sharing a practice she follows at the end of her intake sessions:

“Something I always ask my patients towards the end of an intake session is if they are comfortable moving forward with me as their therapist. As blunt as the question is, I ask it to help ensure that my patients know that their therapy sessions are entirely about them, not myself. Therefore, I am more than happy to refer them to another therapist who may encompass qualities they are looking for if I am not the right fit. I want them to start therapy off on the best foot!”

Something I always ask my patients towards the end of an intake session is if they are comfortable moving forward with me as their therapist.

Authored By 

LifeStance Health

LifeStance is a mental healthcare company focused on providing evidence-based, medically driven treatment services for children, adolescents, and adults.

Contributed By

Karishma Snider, LPC, NCC

Karishma Snider is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) from London, England. She completed her MS in Mental Health Counseling in Mississippi and is licensed in both the State of Mississippi and the State of Virginia, as well as a National Board Certified Counselor (NCC). She has 10 years of experience working in various treatment settings including inpatient, outpatient, long-term residential facilities and schools. She has worked with clients ranging from 7-55 years of age.

Karishma has worked with clients struggling with personal challenges such as ADHD, ADD, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, OCD, schizophrenia, and trauma, in addition to other concerns. She believes it is crucial to foster the relationship between therapist & client so that it can serve as a solid foundation for healing, and that this therapeutic alliance is helpful when walking alongside her clients to help them face challenges that prevent them from being & nurturing their true, best selves.

Karishma loves to empower individuals to recognize their strengths and to use those strengths to respond to and overcome challenges. She utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and Strength Based Therapy techniques in her practice. Karishma offers a safe, supportive, and nurturing environment where clients are able to explore and process challenges. She is invested in her work and is willing to go the extra mile to support clients as they undertake tough (and occasionally uncomfortable) but incredibly meaningful work.