Couples Therapy
Relationships take hard work. A licensed therapist can help couples work through issues and become resilient together in-person or via online sessions.
Is Therapy Available In My State?What is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy, sometimes referred to as marriage therapy or couples counseling, is counseling for couples who are in a relationship. The goal of this type of therapy is to help couples of all types recognize and resolve conflicts and improve their relationships. Through couples therapy, you and your partner can learn to make more thoughtful choices and decisions about rebuilding and strengthening your relationship or come to the decision to end your relationship.
Couples counseling is provided by licensed therapists such as a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed professional counselor (LPC), psychologist, or licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). It is often done short term, typically lasting from 12 to 24 sessions. Couples therapy usually includes both partners, but sometimes one partner may also choose to work with the therapist alone. The specific treatment plan and focus of your sessions will depend on your particular needs and challenges.
How Can Couples Therapy Help?
Couples therapy can help people in all types of intimate relationships — regardless of sexual orientation or marital status. Some couples seek therapy to strengthen their partnership and gain a better understanding of each other. Therapy can also help couples who plan to get married. Premarital counseling can help couples achieve a deeper understanding of each other and iron out differences before marriage.
In other cases, couples seek therapy to improve a troubled relationship. You can use marriage or couples counseling to help with many specific issues, including:
- Communication problems
- Sexual difficulties
- Conflicts about child rearing or blended families
- Substance abuse
- Anger
- Infidelity
In-Person vs. Online Couples Therapy Options
Some couples with busy schedules prefer the convenience of online couples therapy. At LifeStance, we offer both in-person and online couples therapy services.
The convenience and flexibility of online couples therapy allow more couples to consider it as a part of their relationship maintenance, including:
- Repairing emotional connections
- Managing conflict
- Communication
- Rebuilding trust
- Appreciation
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Gottman Therapy, also known as The Gottman Method Couples Therapy, or The Gottman Method of Marital Therapy, is a form of couples-based therapy and education that draws on the pioneering studies of relationships by psychologist John M. Gottman, and the clinical practice conducted by his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.
John Gottman’s studies led him to identify four key relationship difficulties that often led to divorce:
- Criticism of one’s partner
- Defensiveness about one’s role
- Stonewalling or withdrawing
- Contempt for one’s partner
The Gottman Method includes the Sound Relationship House theory. The theory identifies seven “floors” that a couple can move through to improve their relationship, along with two “weight-bearing walls,” which are essential to holding the couple together.
The seven floors and Gottman Couples Therapy Techniques:
- Floor 1 – Build love maps: This is the first floor of the Sound Relationship House and involves couples getting to know one another’s inner psychological worlds.
- Floor 2 – Share fondness and admiration: On this floor, couples learn to overtly express appreciation and respect for each other to strengthen their bond.
- Floor 3 – Turn towards, not away: This floor involves learning to notice when your partner is seeking attention, affection, and comfort and responding accordingly.
- Floor 4 – The positive perspective: This floor helps partners learn to see each other positively, enabling them to see errors as matters of circumstance, not failures of the individual.
- Floor 5 – Manage conflict: On this floor, couples learn to manage conflict through a three-step process. First, partners take each other’s feelings into account. Next, partners learn to discuss their problems. Finally, partners are provided with techniques to self-soothe to keep their cool when they feel overwhelmed during conflict.
- Floor 6 – Make life dreams come true: The second-to-last floor centers on supporting and championing your partner in their dreams and goals.
- Floor 7 – Create shared meaning: The top floor mirrors the first floor in that it involves understanding an inner world, but in this case, it entails uncovering the rituals and stories that have shared meaning for them.
Trust and commitment are the two weight-bearing walls of the Sound Relationship House, and they can help couples work through the seven floors. Trust enables couples to believe they can rely on one another and feel like they’re a team, and commitment means couples have agreed to stick together and improve their relationship. This approach to couples therapy strives to assist couples in achieving a deeper sense of understanding, awareness, empathy, and connectedness within their relationships that ultimately leads to heightened intimacy and interpersonal growth.
The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy; and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding that will ultimately strengthen the relationship.
LifeStance Health specializes in Couples Therapy with multiple locations in 33 states. Services vary by location.
Find a location near you:
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to couples counseling that focuses on fostering secure emotional connections between partners.
Developed in the 1980s, EFT is based on attachment theory and aims to help couples understand and express their emotional needs in a safe and constructive way. Through EFT, partners can identify negative interaction patterns and learn to communicate their emotions and needs openly, often leading to deeper intimacy, stronger bonds, and improved relationship satisfaction.
EFT can be particularly beneficial for couples experiencing emotional disconnect, unresolved conflicts, or persistent communication issues. It can also be effective for couples navigating the aftermath of infidelity, trauma, or significant life transitions, like parenting or relocation, that can strain relationships. Additionally, EFT can be valuable for couples dealing with mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, as it encourages mutual support and understanding.
EFT can be conducted online or in-person, and both methods can be effective. Online EFT offers the advantage of accessibility, particularly for couples in remote areas or with busy schedules.
Group Therapy for Couples
Group therapy for couples is a collaborative therapeutic service where partners come together with other couples to explore and enhance their relationships. Led by a trained therapist, these sessions focus on providing a safe and supportive environment for couples to share experiences, gain insights, and work on effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Group therapy can be especially helpful for navigating transitions, improving intimacy, or addressing recurring conflicts. It provides a unique opportunity to connect with others that may be facing similar challenges, often helping partners feel less isolated in their struggles. By participating in group therapy, couples can foster empathy, build stronger emotional bonds, develop healthier relationship patterns, and benefit from the collective wisdom and support of the group.
References
Lebow JL, Chambers AL, Christensen A, Johnson SM. Research on the treatment of couple distress. J Marital Fam Ther. 2012 Jan;38(1):145-68. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2011.00249.x. Epub 2011 Sep 9. PMID: 22283385. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22283385/
Matthew Solit, MSW is the North Division Executive Clinical Director at LifeStance, serving the therapists and clinical directors across 21 states. Prior to stepping into the role of ECD, he served as Michigan Operations Director, with a primary focus on clinical operations. Matthew has over 20 years of varied leadership experience, most of which has been in the mental and behavioral health field. Throughout this, he has also made time to provide direct clinical care to those in need. He has spent time working in inpatient, outpatient, and sub-acute settings, working with an extensive variety of clinical challenges.
Matthew received his B.A. in Anthropology from the University of Arizona and his master s in social work from the Catholic University of America in his hometown of Washington, D.C. He has engaged in numerous speaking events on topics from clinical diagnostic skills-building to clinical best-practices and risk management. Matthew spends his off time with his wonderful family and two dogs. He enjoys cooking, woodworking, and gardening outside of his work with those in need.
Couples Therapy FAQ
Couples Therapy sessions are facilitated by a trained, licensed clinician, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed professional counselor (LPC), psychologist, or licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). These clinicians often call themselves marriage counselors, marriage therapists, or simply therapists.
LifeStance employs many highly-trained clinicians that offer Couples Therapy. Take some time to find the right Couples Therapist for you and your partner.
To get the most out of couples therapy, you and your partner should discuss shared goals – what are you struggling with, whether you both want the same things in life, etc. Talk about what you want out of the sessions, be willing to accept challenges, and be committed to the effort.
For your first session, you and your partner will meet the therapist together. After that initial session together, you may have some individual sessions (which can help supplement your couples therapy). The rest of your sessions will likely involve both you and your partner working together on your relationship issues.
Typically, couples therapy begins with some standard interview questions regarding the history of the relationship as well as some deep diving into each partner’s family-of-origin, values and cultural background. The therapist will want to know the main challenges you are experiencing, and what you believe is causing most of your stress within the relationship. During the first session, expect to discuss the history of your relationship distress.
Yes, it does help improve many couples’ relationships. Research shows that couples therapy helps around 70–75% couples improve their relationship satisfaction. Many couples find it helps prevent separation or divorce, especially when they seek therapy early on.
The many misconceptions about how couples therapy works, how long it takes, and what it aims to do can cause couples to delay seeking help. For example, some people think that marriage counseling is just a last resort before getting a divorce.
Many people delay therapy because they consider themselves very private and are afraid to share an intimate part of their lives with a stranger, or because they don’t want to pay for appointments.
For these reasons and others, many couples wait years before making the commitment to go to couples therapy. It’s never too late to seek therapy, but starting therapy sooner can enable couples to work through issues before they escalate into major problems. Most couples are not aware of the benefits that therapy can provide, such as improved communication skills, putting old issues to rest, and learning to “fight” fairly.
The Gottman Method is typically conducted in weekly sessions, and the length of therapy will be determined by your specific needs and goals. In the later stage of therapy, couples meet less frequently in order to help them test out their new relationship skills on their own and prepare for the end of the therapy. You may end therapy whenever you wish. Whenever therapy does end, it is most helpful to have at least one session with everyone present, to summarize your progress. In the outcome-evaluation phase, there can also be follow-up sessions every six months for up to two years.
Gottman Therapy begins with finding a therapist trained in the Gottman Method and undergoing an assessment. Using research-based algorithms, this assessment will generate unique summary reports for the clinician and the couple. The assessment focuses on the key conditions and behaviors that lead relationships to succeed or fail.
Yes, Gottman Method Couples Therapy can be conducted online via a process that is similar to in-person Gottman Method Couples Therapy, with an assessment, therapeutic framework, and therapeutic interventions.
