My Journey from Addiction to Recovery: Proof That Change Is Possible

My addiction story starts in an unassuming way, as it does for many people. In 2005, I suffered a significant back injury while working. As a veteran, I was able to access care through both the VA and community services. My doctor prescribed what they then called a “miracle drug” for pain management: OxyContin. The Sackler family and pharmaceutical companies had falsely assured doctors and patients alike that this drug was non-addictive.

I was prescribed 120 milligrams of OxyContin daily—a dosage more appropriate for managing end-stage cancer pain. For a while, it worked. I could function, go to work, and live my life. But then, my doctor’s clinic was shut down by the DEA for overprescribing opioids, leaving me to withdraw cold turkey. The days that followed were filled with unbearable pain, nausea, vomiting, and desperation.

At my lowest point, a friend tried to “help” by injecting me with heroin. I thought heroin was something only people living in alleys would ever use. Yet there I was, crossing a line I swore I never would. What followed was a year-long spiral of morphine, Dilaudid, crack cocaine, and heroin addiction. Eventually, I lost everything: my home, my job, and my family. I ended up at a homeless shelter, carrying a rolling suitcase that contained all of my remaining worldly possessions.

Hitting rock bottom doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. Living in a homeless shelter was dehumanizing, but it was also the beginning of my journey to recovery. During my time in treatment, I was assigned a therapist who changed my life. She helped me unravel years of pain, loneliness, and the root causes of my addiction.

This therapist didn’t just address the symptoms of my addiction; she helped me confront the emotional and psychological wounds that had been festering for years. We delved into the pain of being adopted, the struggles of my childhood, and the feelings of isolation I had carried for decades. For the first time, I felt seen. Her unwavering belief in my potential sparked something in me. She helped me see that my life was not defined by my mistakes but by the steps I chose to take moving forward.

During my time in treatment, I was assigned a therapist who changed my life. She helped me unravel years of pain, loneliness, and the root causes of my addiction.

One of the most pivotal moments came when I realized I wanted to follow in her footsteps. The idea of helping others the way she had helped me gave me a sense of purpose. But at 45 years old, living in a homeless shelter, the thought of going to college seemed impossible. That’s when I met a woman who worked at the community college near the shelter. When I told her my doubts about returning to school, she looked me in the eye and said, “You’ve got this.”

Her confidence in me was transformative. With her encouragement, I enrolled in classes and excelled beyond my own expectations. I graduated at the top of my class and was even nominated to be the graduation speaker. From there, I earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Illinois and later a master’s degree in counseling. Each step felt like a testament to the power of belief—both hers and, eventually, my own.

Throughout my journey, one program stood out: SMART Recovery. Created in 1994 and based on Dr. Albert Ellis’ Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), SMART Recovery focuses on empowering individuals to overcome addiction by changing their thinking patterns. As someone who values both science and spirituality, I found its evidence-based approach to be life-changing. SMART Recovery taught me tools like the ABC model:

• A: Activating event—what triggers your urge or behavior.
• B: Beliefs—the irrational beliefs you hold about the event.
• C: Consequences—the actions or outcomes driven by those beliefs.
• D: Disputing beliefs—challenging irrational thoughts.
• E: Effective new beliefs—adopting healthier ways of thinking.

SMART Recovery didn’t just help me quit; it gave me the skills to stay sober and build a fulfilling life.

Using these tools, I learned to navigate intense cravings and reframe the way I thought about myself and my addiction. SMART Recovery didn’t just help me quit; it gave me the skills to stay sober and build a fulfilling life.

I now run a SMART Recovery Behavior and Addiction Modification Therapy Group in Illinois through LifeStance. Many SMART meetings focus on teaching one tool per meeting, and they also support individuals struggling in real time. My group takes a slightly different approach. I teach all the tools thoroughly, so participants leave well-equipped to engage in future SMART Recovery meetings with confidence. Tools like the ABC framework, cost-benefit analysis, and the life balance wheel are foundational to this success.

I often reflect on how powerful these tools are, especially when facing moments of intense craving. One moment sticks with me. About two years ago, I was driving home and had to pull over on the side of the road. The craving for crack cocaine hit me like a freight train. It scared me.

Here’s what’s ironic: many people who say, “I can’t quit smoking,” are the same people who look at drug users and say, “Why don’t you just quit?” If anyone should understand how hard it is to quit, it’s smokers. That craving I had in the car felt like the same urgency smokers feel when they need a cigarette with their coffee. It was a strong, overwhelming pull.

In that moment, I relied on SMART Recovery’s ABC tool. The activating event was the intense craving. The irrational belief was, “I can just do it this one time—it’ll be fine.” But I disputed that belief: “No, it won’t be fine. I have too much to lose.” I reminded myself of all the progress I’d made, and within minutes, the craving passed.

A turning point in my recovery came when I began to understand the difference between shame and guilt. Brené Brown, one of my heroes, says it best: shame tells us, “I’m a bad person,” while guilt says, “I’m a good person who made bad choices.” That distinction was life-changing for me.

Shame keeps you stuck in addiction. It convinces you that you’re unworthy of love, forgiveness, or recovery. Guilt, on the other hand, motivates change. It allows you to make amends, change your behavior, and forgive yourself.

I often tell people what I do, and I still get two reactions. One is, “Oh, bless you. We need more of that.” But when it comes to funding or hiring more mental health professionals, the support often stops there. The other response is harder to swallow: “Those people made a choice. They’re choosing to do this.” That mindset implies I was disposable at my lowest point.

Historically, substances like cocaine were often associated with wealth and social status, while heroin was stigmatized and linked to marginalized individuals. In the 1970s, 80s, and even 90s, heroin users were often depicted as “the old Vietnam vet hanging out by the dumpster, shooting up in the alley.” This imagery contributed to a lack of empathy and support for those struggling with addiction.

The landscape shifted dramatically when prescription pills gained popularity across diverse demographics. As opioid misuse permeated white-collar communities, the issue was rebranded as an “opioid epidemic”, garnering increased attention and resources. Prior to this, those affected were often dismissed as mere “users” who went their own way.

It’s imperative to challenge and change these stigmatizing attitudes. People grappling with addiction do not deserve condemnation. They require understanding, support, and access to effective treatment. This doesn’t mean enabling harmful behaviors or providing financial assistance indiscriminately but rather offering empathy and resources to facilitate recovery. Recognizing the humanity in each individual and understanding that addiction is a complex health issue, not a moral failing, is crucial in fostering a more supportive and effective approach to treatment and recovery.

To anyone reading this who is battling addiction, know this: you are not alone, and recovery is possible. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Seek out addiction treatment immediately. It can be programs like SMART Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, or Narcotics Anonymous. It can be a substance abuse treatment near you. No single program works for everyone, so explore your options and find what resonates with you.

Understand that addiction is not a moral failing—it’s a disease that requires treatment. Reach out for help, whether it’s from a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend. And most importantly, do it for yourself.

As my first sponsor told me: “With your house or without your house, with your job or without your job, get sober. Because if you don’t, you’ll lose it all anyway.”

Recovery begins with a choice—a choice to believe that you are worth it. I made that choice, and it changed my life. If I can do it, so can you.