How Your Attachment Style May Affect Your Holiday Eating

Modern attachment theory was developed by British psychologist John Bowlby who explored how the early relationship between a child and their caregiver created a psychological blueprint for the interpersonal relationships that child would have later as adults.

By observing babies with their caregivers, Bowlby and others observed four different attachment styles: secure, ambivalent-insecure, avoidant-insecure, and disorganized-insecure. These early attachment styles can predict behavior later in life, and recent research has shown that this blueprint also extends to our relationship with food.

Research suggests insecure attachment styles may be associated with an increased risk of developing eating disorders. Insecure attachment has also been linked to other disordered eating patterns such as chronic restriction, compulsive overeating, and excessive preoccupation with body image (even among people without a clinical diagnosis). These patterns may emerge as potential early indicators, including food restriction, binge eating, and body dissatisfaction.

Because the holidays often amplify stress, social comparison, and emotional triggers, this season can be especially difficult for people struggling with eating disorders. For those with insecure attachment styles, these pressures may intensify feelings of shame, loneliness, or loss of control around food, making attachment patterns a key factor in how individuals cope with eating and body image during the holidays.

Each attachment style tends to shape how a person relates to food, comfort, and control during stressful times like the holiday season.

If you are curious about attachment styles, there are publicly available resources, such as the 5-minute Attachment Style Test from The Attachment Project. LifeStance is not affiliated with these resources.

Secure Attachment: Balanced and Mindful Eating

Approximately 50% of adults have a secure attachment and are comfortable expressing their needs and emotions openly. They initiate relationships with an expectation that partners and friends can be depended upon. For the holiday season, a person with secure attachment tends to have a practical approach to food and eating, based on honesty and awareness of their emotional and dietary needs. Those with secure attachment will treat themselves with an understanding that they might eat a few more cookies or have that glass of eggnog this month, but it won’t lead to feelings or guilt or shame. Holiday eating tips for this group may include spending more time at holiday parties chatting with friends and family than cruising the buffet table or bar.

Anxious Attachment: Emotional Eating and Overindulgence

Anxious-attachment or ambivalent-insecure attachment is described as an anxious adult who seeks approval and frequent reassurances from their partner and who validates their own intrinsic value only through the lens of another. Women tend to be more represented in this attachment style, though it can occur in anyone who highly values relationships but often has a heightened fear of abandonment.

People with this attachment style may be inclined to binge eat or drink at a holiday gathering to be the “life of the party” and keep other guests engaged so they aren’t alone. For those with ambivalent-insecure attachment, it may be best to attend holiday parties with friends or family members and also make arrangements to leave the party in advance. By making plans ahead of time, whether it is about how much to eat or drink at a party or who to attend the party with, they may reclaim their self-worth by making decisions on their own, without fear of abandonment.

Avoidant Attachment: Restrictive or Detached Eating Patterns

The next attachment style is avoidant-insecure and individuals with this profile tend to see themselves as a lone operator, self-sufficient emotionally and avoiding any emotional attachments. Typically, research indicates this attachment style may be more common in men, but it can occur any individual who does not prioritize close relationships and tends to minimize emotional experiences.

Individuals with avoidant-insecure attachment style might not attend any holiday gatherings or dismiss the ones they are invited to. By emotionally withdrawing, they do not meet their own emotional needs for connection and may not listen to their bodies as they fast or eat too much. But, by committing to attend a few holiday events, those with avoidant-insecure attachment style may maintain friendships and other relationships on their own terms, while observing how others navigate healthier relationships with food.

Disorganized Attachment: Chaotic and Stress-Driven Eating

The least common attachment style is the disorganized-insecure attachment. Those with this attachment style have unstable and ambiguous social bonds and have difficulty trusting and depending on others. For those with disorganized-insecure attachment, the holiday season might be an exceedingly stressful time of the year, where it might be hard to attend events or meet holiday expectations like a gift exchange. Holiday eating warning signs might include emotional eating at home, sneaking food, or hoarding treats.

A mental health professional can provide guidance and support if you are experiencing emotional distress and/or disordered eating around holiday gatherings. For many, speaking to a trusted professional who has no ties to family or friends may feel safer and more comfortable.