Table of Contents

What Is An Attachment Style?

An Attachment Style is the specific way that someone relates to other people in relationships. According to attachment theory, which was first developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s, attachment styles are formed at the very beginning of life, and once established, tend to stay with you throughout your life.

Our attachment style as adults is thought to mirror the dynamics we had with our caregivers as infants and children. They show up in our daily lives in how we respond emotionally to people and often dictate our behaviors and interactions with them in a variety of relationship scenarios.

What Are The Different Types of Attachment Styles?

Bowlby and Ainsworth described four distinct adult attachment styles, and each differs regarding closeness, dependency, avoidance, and anxiety.

  1. Anxious Attachment
    Anxious attachments are low on avoidance and high on anxiety. People with anxious attachments crave closeness and intimacy and are very insecure about their relationships. A person with anxious attachments may speak about themselves by saying “I want to be extremely emotionally close with others, but they are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t love or value me and will abandon me. My strong need for closeness scares people away.”
  2. Avoidant Attachment
    Avoidant attachments are high on avoidance and low on anxiety. People with avoidant attachment are uncomfortable with closeness and primarily value independence and freedom. They are not worried about their partner’s availability. Someone with avoidant attachment may speak of themselves by saying something like, “I am uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to trust and depend on others and prefer that others do not depend on me. It is very important that I feel independent and self-sufficient. People want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable being.”
  3. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
    Fearful-avoidant attachment is high on avoidance and high on anxiety. People with fearful-avoidant attachment are uncomfortable with intimacy and worried about their partner’s commitment and love. A person with fearful avoidant attachment is prone to saying things like, “I am uncomfortable getting close to others, and find it difficult to trust and depend on them. I worry I will be hurt if I get close to anyone.”
  4. Secure Attachment
    Secure attachments are low on avoidance and low on anxiety. People with secure attachment are comfortable with intimacy, not worried about rejection, and are not preoccupied with their relationships. A person with secure attachment may say something like “It is easy for me to get close to others, and I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.”

How Are Attachment Styles Formed?

Attachment styles are developed in infancy based on our relationships with our earliest caregivers. Researchers believe that an attachment style is formed within our first year of living, as early as six months old. It is thought that each attachment style comes from a different style of parenting:

  • A Secure Attachment style can form when a child’s caregivers meet their needs and are emotionally and physically available to them.
  • An Anxious Attachment style can be due to inconsistent parenting and a lack of rapport between infant and caregiver.
  • An Avoidant Attachment style can come from parents who are strict and emotionally distant, who do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and who expect their child to be independent and tough.
  • A Fearful-Avoidant Attachment is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.

How Attachment Styles Can Affect You

Each of the “insecure” attachment styles comes with its own specific challenges for communicating and compatibility:

Anxious Attachment – People with this attachment style tend to suffer from low self-esteem, a strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships.

Avoidant Attachment – Adults with this attachment style appear confident and self-sufficient, but they often have trouble with emotional or physical intimacy and building healthy relationships.

Fearful-Avoidant – In adulthood, people with this attachment style are extremely inconsistent in their behavior and have a hard time trusting others. These individuals could suffer from other mental health issues, such as substance abuse, depression, or borderline personality disorder.

Though these are distinct styles, it is common for adults to have a combination of traits rather than fit neatly into one attachment style.

Lifestance Health specializes in Attachment Styles treatment with multiple locations in 33 states. Services and available treatments vary by location.

Find a provider near you:

Can Attachment Styles Be Changed?

Although effort is required, individuals with attachment issues can develop a secure attachment style over time. However, those suffering from the most severe attachment styles may find the process the most challenging.

Seeking Therapy for Attachment Issues

Attachment-Based Therapy (ABT) is usually a brief, process-oriented form of psychological counseling where the client-therapist relationship is used to build or rebuild a trusting, supportive relationship that will help prevent or treat underlying anxiety or depression. An attachment-based approach can be used in individual, family, couple, and group therapy, with both children and adults.

According to Zalaznik et al. (2017), in addition to ABT, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has also been noted to have strong impacts on attachment challenges. This is particularly true when the care is personalized and focused on the individual’s needs and situation.

References

Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E., & Wall, S.N (2015). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation (1st ed.). Psychology Press. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203758045
Benoit D. Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Oct;9(8):541-545. doi: 10.1093/pch/9.8.541. PMID: 19680481; PMCID: PMC2724160.
H. Keller, Universality claim of attachment theory: Children’s socioemotional development across cultures, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 115 (45) 11414-11419, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1720325115 (2018).
Zalaznik, D., Weiss, M., & Huppert, J. D. (2017). Improvement in adult anxious and avoidant attachment during cognitive behavioral therapy for panic disorder. Psychotherapy Research, 29(3), 337–353. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2017.1365183
photo of LifeStance provider Matthew Solit, MSW, LMSW

Clinically Reviewed By:

Matthew Solit, MSW, LMSW
Head of Therapy Services
View Profile

Matthew Solit, MSW is the North Division Executive Clinical Director at LifeStance, serving the therapists and clinical directors across 21 states. Prior to stepping into the role of ECD, he served as Michigan Operations Director, with a primary focus on clinical operations. Matthew has over 20 years of varied leadership experience, most of which has been in the mental and behavioral health field. Throughout this, he has also made time to provide direct clinical care to those in need. He has spent time working in inpatient, outpatient, and sub-acute settings, working with an extensive variety of clinical challenges.

Matthew received his B.A. in Anthropology from the University of Arizona and his master s in social work from the Catholic University of America in his hometown of Washington, D.C. He has engaged in numerous speaking events on topics from clinical diagnostic skills-building to clinical best-practices and risk management. Matthew spends his off time with his wonderful family and two dogs. He enjoys cooking, woodworking, and gardening outside of his work with those in need.