The Hidden Downsides of Using AI for Dating

AI can be a powerful tool to help humans become more productive, more organized, and more efficient in various aspects of work and life. But it can also hinder us in nearly as many ways as it can help. If you’re curious about using AI in online dating, you may want to consider the drawbacks before you dive in.

Now that most of the popular dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble have been around for over a decade, their technology and algorithms are much more advanced than they used to be. Each app also has a variety of unique features and ways that your dating app profile can be customized. For some people, this can become overwhelming and almost feel like a chore, so they opt for letting AI complete the task.

While it’s tempting to have AI write your dating app bio or choose your photos and profile prompts, doing so can certainly take away the uniqueness and individuality of who you are. Having, essentially, a robot come up with a joke for your bio or answer questions about your personality won’t really do you justice and show off your sense of humor or the person you really are day to day. An AI model will never be able to capture all the best, most dynamic parts of who you are, and this will do a major disservice to both you and any potential partners who might come across your profile.

Creating a solid profile is just the first step to using a dating app. Getting and communicating with matches is the real experience. If you’re more shy or aren’t a fan of having conversations with new people over text, especially in a romantic way, it’s understandable that you’d want some assistance in having these conversations on a dating app. In the past, many people would consult their friends or family for ideas on how to send a good message on a dating app. This isn’t necessarily a bad idea. Tapping the people who know you best can sometimes jumpstart your ideas and help you get into the flow of a conversation with a potential partner.

But if you choose to use an AI model to write your dating app messages instead, you’re very unlikely to get the same results. An AI model can’t possibly learn every facet of your personality, so it obviously can’t replicate your own unique voice and perspective. As a single person who has been using dating apps for years, if I noticed that someone was using a tool like ChatGPT to write their responses to me while messaging on a dating app, I would unmatch them. Not only does it signal that it’s not really you sending those messages, but it also tells the other person that you thought they weren’t worth the time and effort it might take to come up with thoughtful, meaningful responses yourself. Leaning on AI to do the talking can also leave you feeling more disconnected, not less, when the whole point of dating is to build a real connection.

Beyond the dating apps, many people seem to be using AI for general help and advice in their love lives. While it may seem harmless to have an on-call sounding board for any confusion or frustration you may encounter when you’re dating, using AI to get advice on anything from romance to mental health is a slippery slope. Before you know it, you could be solely relying on and implementing advice and input from the AI model on your computer rather than credible insight from a licensed mental health professional.

This may become harmful and even dangerous over time, in some pretty insidious ways. Using AI as any form of dating expert or relationship therapist can’t replace the real, human, qualified expertise you’d find in an educated and credentialed therapist or mental health care provider. A 2024 study in Nature Medicine found that generative AI wellness apps sometimes respond to users in crisis in ways that can increase the risk of harm, underscoring how unequipped these tools are for sensitive emotional support. AI tools can’t fully understand and put together all the emotional and psychological context in every situation you’d encounter in your dating life, and it also doesn’t have the years of education, training, and experience that an actual professional would. Although it may seem like a good idea, especially if you’re struggling to find a financially accessible care option or you’re underinsured, doing so may ultimately cause more harm than good.

Short answer: it’s up to you, but be aware of the risks. If you are using AI for quick and simple questions that can help you gather your thoughts, word a breakup text more gently, or come up with new ideas for a first date, that’s one thing. But relying on AI for every issue that may arise in your dating and sex life can create even more issues in the future.

It’s always best to lean on a trusted source like a licensed relationship therapist or certified sex therapist for needs in these areas. Your relationships, whether romantic, sexual, or platonic, have a massive impact on many aspects of your life, including your mental health. It’s best not to risk that wellbeing by letting an algorithm decide its fate.

This article reflects personal experiences and general information. It is not intended as medical advice or a substitute for professional care.