3 Practical Tips to Improve Intimacy In A Relationship

When some people think of the word intimacy, sex is often the first thing that comes to mind. Societal norms and much of the media we consume tend to influence this perspective. In any relationship, however, intimacy can take many forms, even in a romantic connection. Still, maintaining it tends to get overlooked over time.

It’s likely that you’ve heard the concept of “keeping the spark alive” in a relationship, especially in a sexual context. But there are also many other ways to boost intimacy in a relationship. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your partner, whether emotionally or physically, there are a variety of tips you can try to help reignite that “spark” and strengthen your relationship together.

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3 Ways to Boost Intimacy In a Relationship

While there are many tools for improving your relationship such as the Gottman Method or love maps, improving intimacy can be both simple yet very important. Here are three habits that may help boost intimacy and connection.

  1. Plan a Standing Date Night

    When it comes to keeping a partnership healthy and strong, continuing to “date” your partner can be important. Although it’s understandable to overlook your commitment to spending quality time together on dates in some busy seasons of life or after many years in a relationship, not having enough dedicated date nights is a common issue among couples who struggle with feeling intimately connected.

    You can opt for dinner and drinks out of the house, alternating who places the reservation each week. Fun activities can also be a great way to connect and collaborate together, especially if you choose something like an escape room or couples cooking classes. If you and your partner are more budget-minded, a date night at home can be just as romantic and intimate as any alternative. Take turns cooking for one another and choose movies or activities that encourage a more intimate vibe.

    Deep conversation, physical touch, and time spent connecting over shared interests can all do a world of good and often lead to sexual intimacy, especially if you have been feeling sexually distant.

  2. Schedule Sex

    Speaking of sex, one of the most unsexy tips may actually lead to the hottest and most intimate moments: pencil it into your physical planner or digital calendar. Whether you have demanding jobs, children, or lots of familial or social obligations that keep you busy, sometimes you have to treat sex like another time commitment to keep it a priority.

    Figure out a frequency and timeframe that feels good for both of you and try to stick to as much of a routine as possible. What you do in that time is up to you and it’s even better if you let the moment decide whether you engage in foreplay, cuddling, or intercourse.

    Even though it may seem unromantic, making sure you honor this commitment and dedicate time to staying physically intimate may actually prove to be the most exciting and passionate part of your week (or month).

  3. Have Regular Check-Ins

    Unlike your weekly one-on-one meetings with your manager at work, consistent check-ins with your partner don’t have to feel like they should have been an email. Creating space for open, honest, deep conversation about your partnership can be a great way to build and maintain intimacy in a relationship. You can grab a bottle of your favorite wine or simply sit down after a nice dinner together and share what’s on your mind.

    Talk about your daily routines, your romantic connection, your sex life, etc. When you take time to truly hear each other out and understand where your relationship is now and where it’s going, you may start to notice patterns and instances where one or both of you might be dropping the ball in terms of intimacy. Approach the conversation openly, honestly, and with full grace and understanding.

    The end goal is to recognize what you both can do to keep building a healthy, fulfilling relationship together. Intimacy isn’t always built in the bedroom, so this can be a great way to figure out where to put your hard hats on and get to work.

This article is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care.

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Authored By 

Lexy Inks

Lexi (she/her) is a lifestyle journalist based in Jacksonville, Florida, with a passion for writing about sex and relationships, LGBTQ+ issues, wellness, beauty and fashion, spirituality, and social justice. Her work has appeared in publications including Bustle, Refinery29, BBC, Cosmopolitan,...

Reviewed By

Lesley Roy, MSW, LICSW
Lesley, a licensed independent clinical social worker. Lesley’s practice is grounded in a culturally responsive, strengths-based, and trauma-informed approach. She specializes in helping people to gain insight and develop self-compassion that helps them to tap into their strengths and tackle challenges such as navigating change, identity development, and improving relationships across the spectrum (friend, family, intimate partner, professional). Lesley considers it a privilege to be a part of ones journey toward wellness and content. Lesley uses evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Narrative Therapy, Mindfulness/Meditation, Internal Family Systems, and DBT skills. She customizes her therapeutic approach in response to client needs as they address anxiety, depression, self-esteem/assertiveness concerns, mood disorders, and other challenges that serve as barriers to reaching their goals. When Lesley is not working with her clients she enjoys spending time with her family, gardening, listening to informative podcasts, and caring for her pets.

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