What Does It Mean To Be Sapiosexual?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines sapiosexual as sexually or romantically attracted to intelligent people. The word can also be used as a noun: A sapiosexual is an individual who finds high levels of intelligence (IQ) the most sexually attractive characteristic in a person. Sapio originates from the Latin root sapien, meaning to be wise or to have sense.

Of course, a lot of people appreciate having an intellectual connection with a romantic interest or partner. And for sapiosexuals, other characteristics beyond intelligence can factor into someone’s desirability too. But it’s primarily the mind that these individuals are drawn to. Having chemistry on a cerebral level is not just important or a nice bonus; it’s essential and foundational to how they experience attraction.

In other words, a sapiosexual person is more likely to highly value and be attracted to mental traits, like a propensity for deep thinking, genius-level IQ, ability to carry intellectually stimulating conversations, or keen wit; as opposed to someone’s physical appearance, sense of humor, or emotionality, for instance.

While people have likely been attracted to sharp minds since the dawn of time, sapiosexual is a newer term. Its first known use was two decades ago, in 2004. However, a LiveJournal blogger under the name “Wolfieboy” wrote about the term earlier, in a 2002 post, alleging he’d been using it since 1998.

The idea of sapiosexuality started breaking more into the mainstream in 2014, when OKCupid rolled out a host of new options for people to describe their gender identity and sexual orientation to millions of users. According to a 2014 NPR article, sapiosexual was one of the most popular new options. In 2016, a now-defunct dating app for sapiosexuals, Sapio, was launched. In 2018, a team of psychologists developed a sapiosexuality questionnaire (SapioQ) to be used in research on the topic.

Merriam-Webster made things official and added the word to the dictionary in 2020. And as conversations about our evolving understanding of human sexuality have continued, and our lexicon around gender and sexuality has expanded, it’s become more common to hear people talk about sapiosexuality.

The idea of being sapiosexual isn’t without its critics. It raises interesting questions about how we even define something as subjective and varied as intelligence; and who gets to decide that. Does emotional intelligence count? What about a brilliant creative who did poorly in school? How does neurodiversity factor into sapiosexuality?

Some even argue that the entire concept is ableist, classist, and elitist, given how much our notions of intelligence are tied to neurotypical standards and higher education.

There’s also still some disagreement on what sapiosexuality is, exactly. Is it truly a sexual orientation, in the way that homosexuality or bisexuality is? Or is it more just a preference for a certain trait; similar to being strongly attracted to people who are funny, or exclusively seeking out partners who are tall? Some dismiss the idea of sapiosexuality altogether, while others consider it more of an identity than an orientation.

It’s worth pointing out that sapiosexuality is not broadly accepted in the LGBTQIA+ community. A Wiki page on the topic flags it as sensitive and potentially controversial.

Importantly, sapiosexuality is generally not characterized as a marginalized identity. The LGBTQIA+ community has historically faced prejudice and violence; and often still do today. But sapiosexual people do not typically receive systemic or cultural discrimination.

Regardless of how sapiosexuality is categorized, many find the idea to be thought-provoking and relevant. It also seems to be a genuinely meaningful label for people who recognize themselves in it. The term may help people better understand and articulate their sexual and romantic proclivities, and perhaps even meet other individuals who identify the same way.

All the interest and open questions surrounding sapiosexuality may help open up bigger conversations that are important to all of us; about what we truly value in intimacy, the nuances of attraction, and the wide and diverse spectrum of human sexuality, relationships, and intelligence.

This article reflects personal experiences and general information. It is not intended as medical advice or a substitute for professional care. If you need additional support, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional.