Grief After Suicide Loss: Recognizing Signs, Coping, and Preventing Future Tragedies 

A common misconception is that talking about suicide gives someone the idea to act on it. This is not true. Asking someone directly if they’re feeling suicidal lets them know you care about them, gives them the chance to share their pain and opens the door to help now or down the road.

When it comes to suicide, there are often warning signs, though they can be subtle or misunderstood. Here are some key things to watch for:

• • Withdrawal: Spending less time with family and friends.
  • Mood swings: This can include anger or irritability over things that wouldn’t have bothered the person before.
  • Expressions of despair: Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden to others.
  • Changes in sleep patterns: Sleeping too much or too little.
  • Giving away possessions: Some people will give away meaningful items or make preparations, such as writing a will.
  • Risky behavior: Reckless actions, like driving dangerously or making rash decisions.
  • Life stressors: Events such as losing a job, financial strain, chronic pain, legal troubles, or a divorce can all increase the risk.
  • Identity struggles: Members of the LGBTQIA+ community who lack adequate support may face higher risks.

A common misconception is that talking about suicide gives someone the idea to act on it. This is not true. Asking someone directly if they’re feeling suicidal lets them know you care about them, gives them the chance to share their pain and opens the door to help now or down the road.

If you’ve lost someone to suicide, the pain is overwhelming and complex. It’s unlike any other kind of grief. Here’s what I want you to know:

1. 1. It’s Not Your Fault: No matter what, their death was not your responsibility. It took me years to accept this truth, but it’s essential for healing.
   2. Let Go of “Why?” You may never get an answer. The only “why” is that they were in unbearable pain, and the fear of living outweighed the fear of dying.
   3. Seek Therapy: A therapist trained in grief and trauma can help you process your feelings. They can sit with you in the pain, which is something friends and family might struggle to do.
   4. Find Support Groups: Organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offer incredible resources. Survivor groups and books written by others who’ve experienced this loss can make you feel less alone.
   5. Allow Yourself to Grieve: People may unintentionally invalidate your pain by comparing it to other losses, but losing someone to suicide is unique. Let yourself feel the depth of your emotions.
   6. Consider Advocacy: When you’re ready, getting involved in prevention efforts can be healing. For me, advocacy became a way to transform my pain into action.

Preventing suicide starts with open conversations and awareness. If you’re concerned about someone, here’s what you can do:

1. Ask Directly: Don’t be afraid to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” This does not give someone the idea; it creates a safe space for them to share.
2. Act Immediately: If they have a plan, intent, or means, act without delay. Call toll-free 988, 911 or reach out to crisis intervention teams, which are often available in many areas. Mobile mental health teams can also assess the person on-site and provide support.
3. Limit Access to Lethal Means: Ask if they have a plan or dangerous substances or tools. Tools like gun locks, safes, and bridge nets are proven to reduce impulsive actions and save lives.
4. Know the Resources: The nationwide crisis hotline, 988, is available 24/7. Whether through call or text, this service connects people to local resources for immediate help. Calling 911 or taking the individual to the emergency room are also options. Waiting to schedule a mental health appointment or see a provider is not appropriate in times of crisis.
5. Be Present: Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is listen and show that you care. Let them know they are not alone and validate their struggles. Do not be dismissive of their feelings or try to cheer them up by talking about all the positives in their life.

Losing my mom changed my life forever, but it also gave me a mission to help others. If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one to suicide, or if you’re worried about someone in your life, know that help is available, and healing is possible.

One of the most important steps you can take in your journey is to talk to someone. A therapist trained in grief and loss counseling can provide you with a safe space to process your emotions, navigate the pain, and find ways to heal. Therapy is especially valuable because it offers a nonjudgmental environment where you can express feelings that may be hard to share with others.

Additionally, consider joining a support group for survivors of suicide loss. Connecting with people who have experienced similar pain can provide a sense of community and understanding. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a great resource for finding local groups and additional tools to help you cope.

Remember, you are not alone, and neither are the people you care about. Together, through open conversations, professional support, and community resources, we can create a world where fewer lives are lost to suicide and where healing becomes possible for those left behind.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Professional counselors are available 24/7 to help. Reaching out is the first step toward hope and healing.