How to Talk to Your Partner About Mental Health

Although conditions like depression and anxiety can feel isolating, you are never truly experiencing the symptoms and impacts alone, especially when you have a social circle around you. Any mental illnesses you may struggle with will primarily affect you and your health, of course, but it is rare that your loved ones will not feel the need to get involved with the process of improving your condition and situation. If you have a romantic partner, the difficulties associated with your mental health struggles will absolutely impact them, too.

I can personally attest to this. As someone with Bipolar II disorder, C-PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD, I have gone through many rough periods in my mental health that often impacted my daily life. Whenever this happened while I was dating or in a serious relationship with a romantic partner, their lives were never left untouched by my mental illness. Especially in cases when I lived with a partner, these darker periods were hard for them as well; watching your partner suffer and having the obligation to do whatever you can to help can be stressful and emotionally draining, even if you are mentally healthy yourself.

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Bipolar disorder can cause intense shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels — but you’re not alone. Take this assessment to identify symptoms commonly associated with bipolar disorder and understand if you may be suffering from a bipolar disorder.

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Important: Questionnaires like this are best completed in the presence of a qualified clinician who can appropriately interpret the scoring and results in the context of your overall health and history. Self-scoring may lead to misinterpretation and should not be used as the sole basis for any health decisions. This health survey is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding any personal health concerns. Completion of this survey does not establish a patient-clinician relationship. Responses are NOT monitored. If you are thinking of harming yourself or others please call toll-free 9-8-8 for the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7), 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency room. By proceeding, you acknowledge this disclaimer and agree that this tool is for general awareness only. You assume all risks associated with its use. The survey administrators are not liable for reliance on its content.

This questionnaire is based on the Mood Disorder Questionnaire (MDQ), developed by Robert M. A. Hirschfeld, M.D., et al., in collaboration with the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) and the University of Florida. Hirschfeld, R. M. A., Williams, J. B. W., Spitzer, R. L., et al. (2000). Development and validation of a screening instrument for bipolar spectrum disorder: The Mood Disorder Questionnaire. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157, 1873-1875. The MDQ is made available for clinical, educational, and informational use. © Robert M. A. Hirschfeld, M.D., et al.

For each of the following, answer “Yes” or “No.”

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Step 1 of 16

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Part 1: Symptom Checklist

Question 1*

You felt so good or hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self, or you were so hyper that you got into trouble?

Yes	No

Question 2*

You were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments?

Yes	No

Question 3*

You felt much more self-confident than usual?

Yes	No

Question 4*

You got much less sleep than usual and found you didn’t really miss it?

Yes	No

Question 5*

You were much more talkative or spoke much faster than usual?

Yes	No

Question 6*

Thoughts raced through your head or you couldn’t slow your mind down?

Yes	No

Question 7*

You were so easily distracted by things around you that you had trouble concentrating or staying on track?

Yes	No

Question 8*

You had much more energy than usual?

Yes	No

Question 9*

You were much more active or did many more things than usual?

Yes	No

Question 10*

You were much more social or outgoing than usual (e.g., telephoning friends in the middle of the night)?

Yes	No

Question 11*

You were more interested in sex than usual?

Yes	No

Question 12*

You did things that were unusual for you or that other people might have thought were excessive, foolish, or risky?

Yes	No

Question 13*

Spending money got you or your family in trouble?

Yes	No

Part 2: Symptom Co-occurrence

Question 14*

If you checked “Yes” to more than one of the previous questions, have several of these ever happened during the same period of time?

Yes	No

Part 3: Functional Impact

Question 15*

How much of a problem did any of these cause you — like being unable to work, having family, money, or legal troubles, or getting into arguments or fights?

No problem	Minor problem	Moderate problem	Serious problem

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Learning how to talk to a partner about mental health is a key step in preventing these situations from harming your romantic connection.

This first starts with you being open and honest about any diagnoses you may have, and how they tend to affect you over time. If you’re like me and have episodes stemming from a condition like bipolar disorder, for example, it’s fair to let someone know that you’ve had that experience when you’re entering into a more serious relationship with them. Not only can this vulnerability enhance your emotional connection, but it can prevent tension or stress from happening later on if you have an episode or start feeling symptoms of your condition come on. It would not be fair to either of you for that to take you by surprise.

This does not have to happen in a dramatic or intense way, either. You can mention your diagnosis on a date or share a story about your experience with mental health struggles when you are spending quality time together. You can also start the conversation by asking them if they have ever dealt with tough times involving their mental health and segue into sharing your own journey. If you are nervous about bringing up the topic or have a hard time opening up about it, you can even practice what you would like to say with family or friends who are already familiar with your story.

Another important but especially tricky necessity may be to talk to your partner about their mental health. For example, if you notice your partner is often upset, withdrawn, irritable, etc., they may be experiencing symptoms of depression or a similar condition. Sometimes, they may not even know that it is happening. In these situations, it is a good idea to gently address it with them when you start to notice a pattern of behavior. You can consult with a trusted loved one (or better, a mental health professional) first in order to get a sense of what to say. Talking to a partner about their mental health may help them feel supported and encourage them to seek help, which can be critical in some situations.

Talking to your partner about their mental health is probably not going to be easy or a simple process, but it is essential to both your connection with them and their awareness of how their struggles can become your struggles, too. You can ease into the conversation by asking them how they have been feeling lately, if there is anything that’s bothering them, or is something causing stress. Letting them open up to you on their own terms, rather than pointing out their change in behavior first, can make the conversation feel less accusatory or intimidating. It can also be a reminder for them that you care about their emotional well-being, and that you are willing and ready to support them even through the difficult times.

Ultimately, while staying open and honest with each other about mental health and your overall well-being can really benefit a relationship, often the most important step is getting help when you need it most. Having support from loved ones and feeling seen and validated can be a great feeling when you or your partner are struggling with mental illness. Therapy or medication-based treatment (when taken as prescribed and when clinically appropriate) from a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist can also be an important part of care for many people. When you know you are in good hands with a trusted mental health professional, you may feel more equipped to get mentally healthier, stronger, and better prepared to face whatever may come in your relationship together.