Key Takeaways Key Takeaways

  • Grief counseling is essential for navigating the complex emotions associated with significant losses, providing crucial support and guidance.

  • Modern grief counseling methods include talk therapy, emotion-focused therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, eco-therapy, expressive therapy, and psychoeducation.

  • Practical tips from therapists include writing about feelings, creating memory projects, role-playing, and engaging in legacy projects to aid in the healing journey.

Dealing with Grief and Loss: Understanding the Journey and Finding Support

Grief is an inevitable and universal experience that touches everyone at some point in their lives. The loss of a loved one can be one of the most challenging and emotionally taxing events a person can face. While commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also result from other significant losses such as the end of a relationship, loss of a job, or loss of health. The grieving process is unique to each individual, influenced by factors like personality, cultural background, life experiences, and the nature of the loss.

As humans, we have developed various ways to cope with grief and grief counseling has emerged as a crucial support system for many. Grief is not “cookie cutter,” but there are common and universal aspects to grief and loss. These aspects stem from centuries of human wisdom and experience. Over time, we have developed techniques and methods to address the emotional pain associated with loss. This evolution has led to what we know as modern grief counseling, which incorporates evidence-based practices to provide effective support, helping individuals navigate their grief, process their emotions, and find a path to healing and resilience.

According to Cindy Speakman, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who practices in the State of California, when someone has experienced a significant loss of a loved one, they need to be seen and heard. Active listening, empathy, and normalization of their feelings are essential for them to begin their healing journey. They need their experience to be validated and normalized. The main tools of grief counseling include talk therapy and emotion-focused therapy (a branch of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), eco-therapy, expressive therapy, and psychoeducation. These approaches help individuals process their emotions, develop coping strategies, and find meaning in their experiences, facilitating their path to healing and emotional resilience.

“Grief can be very isolating, and I believe that the group dynamic can be very powerful and healing in one’s grieving process,” says Speakman, who runs a group called “Healing After Loss” in California.

Navigating the Timing: How Soon or Late Should One Begin Grief Counseling?

Determining the best time to start grief counseling is a highly individual decision. There is no “right” time that applies universally, but Speakman suggests waiting at least 90 days after the loss, once the shock has begun to wear off. The feelings must be processed until one is ready to face them and begin their healing journey. If the grieving process is interfering significantly with daily functioning, or if the individual is experiencing symptoms of complicated grief (intense longing, difficulty moving on, etc.), it may be crucial to seek counseling sooner rather than later. Clara Ann Huffman, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ohio, suggests that grief counseling can offer hope, healing, and support, even in stages of anticipatory grief – prior to losing a loved one.

Grief can be very isolating, and I believe that the group dynamic can be very powerful and healing in one’s grieving process.

– Cindy Speakman, LCSW

Grieving Unexpected vs. Anticipated Loss

Dealing with anticipated loss versus sudden loss presents unique difficulties and emotional responses. According to Cindy Speakman, both are equally challenging and difficult, and the loss of an elderly person who lived a long life and died peacefully may be easier to accept, than the sudden and tragic death of a young person. “If the death is expected, the bereaved may have had time to begin their grieving process by going through anticipatory grief, which may make the death easier to accept,” says Speakman. “Death and grief are difficult and painful regardless of the circumstances, but I have found that the most difficult is the death of a child, which I don’t think a parent ever gets over. With a sudden loss, there is shock and disbelief, which may take time to get over, especially if the death was violent. Having the time and space to get used to the idea that a loved one is going to die may make it easier to understand and accept, but the loss is no less significant, and everyone always wants more time with those whom they love.”

Clara Ann Huffman says that in unexpected losses and after death specifically, the shock and denial stages tend to last longer, be more prevalent, and repeat more frequently for those with unexpected loss. In anticipated loss, these stages of grief and denial are still prevalent, but tend to happen more strongly prior to death within stages of anticipatory grief instead.

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Interventions and Exercises in Grief Counseling

Grief counseling often involves various interventions and exercises designed to facilitate healing and growth. Every therapist who provides grief counseling has their own method, but here are the common ones everyone can try even without working with a professional:

Put it on paper: Writing about thoughts and feelings can help process emotions and track progress over time. For example, Huffman recommends “What Color is Your Grief Today” as a letter writing prompt to start. Cindy Speakman recommends writing a “Good-Bye” letter to the loved one, and perhaps writing journal posts about them. She also recommends a “Good-Bye” ritual, especially if there were no funeral or memorial services for the loved one.

Memory Work: Creating a memory book or box filled with photos, letters, and mementos can keep the memory alive as much as possible. Making the loved one’s favorite food, listening to music they enjoyed are activities Speakman recommends to her patients.

Role-Playing: In some cases, role-playing can help individuals express unresolved feelings or practice conversations they wish they could have had with their loved one.

Legacy Projects: Engaging in projects that honor the legacy of the deceased, such as planting a tree or starting a charity in their name, can provide a sense of purpose and connection.

Is There Relief Beyond the Hurt?

Many people believe they will never get over the loss of a loved one, feeling that the pain is insurmountable and permanent. In the immediate aftermath, grief can be overwhelming, making it seem impossible to imagine life without the constant ache. However, with time and support, the intensity of the pain often diminishes. Gradually, individuals begin to find ways to cope and adapt to their new reality. Memories of their loved one become less painful and more cherished. Although the sense of loss never completely disappears, the pain becomes more manageable, allowing them to find moments of joy and peace again.

As Speakman shares from her experience: “I have witnessed dozens of folks go from feeling extremely sad and deep in their grief, to moving forward and feeling hopeful about their future and having gained some peace in their lives. In individual therapy, I had a client who lost their mother to an aggressive form of cancer. She died about 5 months after being diagnosed, and I was already seeing the client for other issues, so we were able to jump into the anticipatory grief and grief therapy right away. It took about a year after their mother died for them to accept and move forward from the loss, and therapy was helpful because it allowed the client to express the full range of emotions that they were unable to share completely with their other family members, who were experiencing their own grieving process. When the client graduated from therapy, they were in a much better place in their life, and while they will always miss their mother, they had gained some peace and healing. I tried to be as present for them as possible, normalize their experience, and allow them to feel all their emotions in a safe, open, nonjudgmental environment.”

It took about a year after their mother died for them to accept and move forward from the loss, and therapy was helpful because it allowed the client to express the full range of emotions that they were unable to share completely with their other family members, who were experiencing their own grieving process.

– Cindy Speakman, LCSW

LifeStance offers comprehensive grief counseling through both individual therapy and group settings. In individual therapy, clients receive personalized attention and tailored coping strategies to address their unique grief experiences. This one-on-one approach allows for deep exploration of emotions and personalized support. In group settings, LifeStance provides a supportive community where individuals can share their experiences and connect with others who understand their pain. This collective environment fosters a sense of belonging and mutual support, helping participants feel less isolated in their grief journey. Both approaches are designed to help individuals navigate their grief, find healing, and gradually rebuild their lives.

Authored By 

LifeStance Health

LifeStance is a mental healthcare company focused on providing evidence-based, medically driven treatment services for children, adolescents, and adults.

Reviewed By

Nicholette Leanza, MA, LPCC-S

Nicholette is a faculty member at John Carroll University’s Clinical Counseling program, and she is also the host of the LifeStance podcast, Convos from the Couch.

Contributed By

Clara Ann Huffman, LPC

Clara Ann Huffman is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ohio who has been practicing since 2022. To all her future clients, Clara Ann looks forward to offering a safe space – to walk alongside one another through hardship. She uniquely offers enduring hope for change and persistent optimism for a better tomorrow. As a recent academic, Clara Ann further offers emerging techniques, a blend of historic and new theoretical perspectives, and a growing foundation of experience and knowledge. Alongside her passion for mental health and recovery, Clara Ann is an avid lover of nature, an emerging (slow) runner, and an amateur birder. She has also dabbled in the arts through the instrumental creation of music and loves to immerse herself in numerous genres. Her personal favorite foods are sweets and cheeses – both most definitely important to list within her hobbies and passions.

Cindy Speakman, MSW, LCSW

Cindy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, who practices in the State of California. She received her Master s in Social Work from CSU, Long Beach, and has been licensed since 2015. She provides individual psychotherapy to adults, and has experience treating: Grief and Loss, Anxiety, Depression, Chronic/Life-Limiting Illnesses, Life Transitions, Codependency, Religious/Spiritual Abuse, LBGTQ+ issues, Women s Issues, Older Adults, Pregnancy, Infertility, and Postpartum issues, Parenting, Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, Anger Management, Low Self-Esteem, and ADHD. She is a Certified Bereavement Counselor and provides individual and group grief and bereavement support.

Cindy is trained in Healing After Loss, a support group curriculum, for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one. She is also trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for treatment of Anxiety Disorders. She incorporates relaxation techniques, and mindfulness practices to assist clients in reducing their anxiety, and increasing their ability to focus on their goals, better manage their symptoms, and learn how to implement healthy coping skills. Cindy may assign homework for clients to work on in between sessions, as much of therapy occurs outside of the 50-minute session.

Cindy is excited to be able to offer her skills to provide therapeutic and healing services to you. It’s in the stars, it s been written in the scars on our hearts, we re not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again. -P nk!