How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship 

Trust issues can present themselves in both overt and covert ways. Veranda Hillard, LPC, a practicing therapist residing in Texas, says, “Challenges with trust tend to exist on a continuum, from overt to covert. Overt indicators may be demonstrated when an individual engages in regular reassurance-seeking to validate or invalidate fears, or attempts to control or dictate how a loved one connects within other relationships. Covert signs of relational distrust can be reflected in an individual’s tendency to be overly private, engage in social withdrawal, or demonstrate hyper-independence.”

Trust is essential for emotional openness, and when it is lacking, individuals often struggle to be vulnerable with their partner, which directly impacts intimacy—a key element of healthy relationships.

James Rogers, LPC

According to James Rogers, LPC, a licensed therapist in Michigan, there are three common signs that indicate trust issues in adults:

The first sign is difficulty with vulnerability, particularly in close relationships. Trust is essential for emotional openness, and when it is lacking, individuals often struggle to be vulnerable with their partner, which directly impacts intimacy—a key element of healthy relationships.

The second sign is the tendency to take on excessive responsibility. This behavior often stems from a belief that others cannot be trusted to act in their best interest. As a result, individuals overexert themselves, taking on more than they can handle to maintain control and avoid potential hurt. This pattern often reflects a learned response from earlier experiences where they may not have had the ability to influence outcomes.

The third sign is difficulty in forgiving themselves. This internal struggle often spills over into relationships with others. Individuals who are overly critical of themselves frequently project this onto those around them, leading to an inability to trust others fully. This cycle of self-criticism and external mistrust can create significant barriers to healthy connections.

These behaviors, whether overt or subtle, can lead to emotional distance and make it challenging to maintain or develop meaningful connections.

The roots of trust issues often lie in early life experiences or relational ruptures. Rogers explains, “Trust issues usually develop when impactful people in an individual’s life have not remained true to their word or have failed to protect them physically, mentally, or emotionally. The most impressionable stage for this to occur is usually throughout childhood and adolescence.”

Hillard highlights how unresolved family dynamics can contribute to trust challenges. “A pattern initiated within many families of ‘sweeping problems under the rug’ can jeopardize a person’s foundational sense of relational trust because there is no ownership, accountability, or healthy conflict resolution.” 

Similarly, Darlene Chatman, LPC, a practicing therapist in South Carolina, notes that adverse childhood experiences, intimate partner violence (IPV), and intergenerational trauma often contribute to trust issues.

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address the roots of distrust. Different approaches and techniques can be effective in helping clients rebuild their sense of safety and trust in relationships.

Rogers’ go-to tool for tackling trust issues is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a method designed to uncover and challenge deeply ingrained irrational beliefs. “I focus on the absolutes that clients use as it relates to themselves and relationships. 

Rogers’ go-to tool for tackling trust issues is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a method designed to uncover and challenge deeply ingrained irrational beliefs.

For example: a client might say, ‘Everyone is out for themselves,’ or, ‘no one cares about me.’ These are statements no one can make unless they have met everyone. I help the client recognize these irrational statements and then use the ABC (activating event, belief, and emotional consequence) model to address the belief system that causes these negative emotions and thoughts.”

Hillard takes a psychosomatic approach: “Some clients may recognize when distrust is unwarranted in a current relationship. They cognitively know and can share evidence that a connection demonstrates trustworthiness, but they still feel unsafe and guarded. In such cases, I find that it is often necessary to engage clients in ‘bottom-up’ processing to practice anchoring into a felt sense of safety within their own bodies.”

Chatman recommends several approaches, including the COME FORTH formula, a structured process designed to help both parties in a relationship work through broken trust. This method applies to various types of relationships—romantic, familial, professional, or platonic. 

In this framework, the COME portion is for the person who caused the breach of trust, guiding them to take accountability, demonstrate transparency, and make consistent efforts to repair the relationship. The FORTH portion supports the injured party, helping them process their pain, rebuild self-trust, and gradually open up to trusting the other person again. By addressing the needs of both individuals, the COME FORTH formula creates a shared path toward healing.

Chatman highlights how this method, combined with other therapeutic techniques like CBT and the Gottman Method, can restore trust and strengthen relationships. She explains that fostering an atmosphere of respect, transparency, and compassion is essential for clients to feel safe enough to process their pain and begin rebuilding trust.

Rebuilding trust takes time, patience, and consistent effort from both parties. With the right tools and guidance, relationships can not only recover but also become stronger and more resilient. The journey may be challenging, but the reward of restored connection and mutual respect is worth it.

If trust issues are holding you back, professional help may make all the difference. Therapists at LifeStance are experienced in helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of trust issues and find a path to healing. Don’t let broken trust define your relationships—book an appointment with a therapist today.