Why Veterans and First Responders Resist Therapy — And Why That’s Okay

When you join the military, you spend a lot of time at the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS). That’s where I met a guy who was heading into the Navy while I was joining the Army. He said he wanted to become a Hospital Corpsman and eventually work with the Marines—what they call going “Greenside.” I told him I was going into Military Police. We joked around—he called me an “Army Doggie,” and I called him a “Squid,” which are just playful nicknames between branches. We hit it off and became friends.

Years later, he reached out to tell me he had become an Independent Duty Corpsman, which is a highly trained medic who works alone in some pretty intense situations. Later, he shared stories from his time serving with the Marines in Afghanistan. I still remember the determination in his eyes back when we were just teenagers. I wasn’t surprised at all to hear how he’d stayed calm under pressure and saved lives.

Seeking therapy can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory. After years of being trained to push through pain and put service before self, the idea of facing one’s own struggles can be daunting.

Now, 40 more years later, I’m a psychotherapist who works with first responders and veterans. Seeking therapy can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory. After years of being trained to push through pain and put service before self, the idea of facing one’s own struggles can be daunting. This hesitation (often called resistance) isn’t stubbornness or refusal. No, it’s instinct—shaped by experience and reinforced by expectations.

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Resistance to treatment is not a flaw. Brother, it’s a protective measure, built over years of service. For therapists, understanding this resistance with kindness is essential. For Social Workers, the adage is “meet the client where they are at.” Compassion acknowledges that the strength that carried them through the hardest days might now be the very thing that makes healing feel impossible.

For the individuals in therapy, resistance doesn’t mean therapy won’t work. It means therapy must work with them, not against them. It’s okay to feel hesitant. It’s okay to need time. The goal isn’t to push through—it’s to navigate forward, in a way that honors their service and their humanity. Healing isn’t weakness. It’s another form of strength, one that ensures they can keep showing up—for themselves, for their families, for the life they deserve.

Authored By 

Lafayette Bagley, MSW, LCSW

I am passionate about working with adolescents, adults and couples looking to cultivate change. I believe each person seeking therapy is unique, and my approach is tailored to meet your individual needs. I use an integrative approach, drawing upon a variety of techniques including psychodynamic, existential, cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness-based approaches.

I have experience working with an array of mental health issues including gender dysphoria, LGBTQIA+ issues, trauma, anxiety, and depression. I have a great deal of experience working with first responders, grief, and high conflict couples. I pride myself in creating a safe space for anyone who has experienced complex trauma.

My passion to serve my community drew me to social work where I earned an MSW from Loyola University Chicago. I started my counseling career later in life and I look forward to supporting you on your journey of growth and transformation.